Inuyasha Banana Parody
by Banana Rum
Summary: [Kalliel and Kiyomi] Stunningly pointless and strangely amusing debut work with Naraku's Nite Club, new Hakudoushi confetti, superuber Mario Bros. and the Lord of the Western Domain, Lord Jaken!
1. Default Chapter

Inuyasha: Banana Parody 

Chapter 1: Banana Rum 

By Banana Rum :: Kalliel Inuyaksa and Fiori 

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, we do not own Inuyasha. If we did, we'd publish our work and get money for it instead of post it here. We also do not own Cheez-its, Bananas in Pajamas, HBO, Beowulf (thank God), Ebay, any of Laura Ingalls Wilder's works, Pokemon and anything related to it, Safeway, PayPal etc. 

Opening Thoughts: Well, here it is, our debut work! It's not the first thing ever published, but it WAS the first written (we just really suck at typing, so it took a while.) This is more a mature adult humour story, hence the rating. If you are strongly against slightly yaoi circumstances, profanity, andÉwell, bad stuff like that, don't read this. 

Kanna gazed into her mirror. Why was the stupid thing always so clouded? She wanted to see what lay ahead in her future. "Nothingness..." she whispered. The mirror's milky surface neglected to clear. 

"Hm?" an elegant woman in a courtly kimono responded. She had silky black hair, held in place with two feathered hairpins. Her jade earrings completed the ensemble, with red tassels hanging off the bottom. "What, Kanna? Did you say something. I'm a little busy, if you know what I mean. I need to finish knitting my blanket for Sesshomaru's Tamaseseri festival present." 

Kanna continued to stare intently at her mirror while her younger sister continued knitting. Kanna thought she saw something. A dark shadow started clouding the edges of the mysterious mirror. Slowly, the black shadow/mist formed into the shape of a ghastly image of Inuyasha, Kagome, Shippo, Miroku, and Sango. They were climbing up the hill where Naraku's lair was-coming straight at it! Kanna shivered unconsciously. No matter how Naraku and Kagura taunted the group about their weakness, Naraku secretly harbored a respect of their strength, and Kagura knew that eventually they would claim Naraku's life and everyone born of him. That meant Kanna too. "Nothingness, it's what i represent, so why do i feel fear?" 

"Kanna, give it a rest, will you? Tonight is the night of the new moon. Naraku will be gone, and Inuyasha..." Kagura complained. She still hadn't gotten very far, and the string had a habit of tangling itself. 

Kanna silently stood up and went to consult the almanac to see if tonight really was the night of the new moon. She was always scared on nights there was no moon. it wasn't because the world looked so vast and empty- she loved it like that- it was because Naraku was reduced to a bubbling lump of demons. There was no one to protect her. 

Outside, there was a lot of noise all of the sudden. Kagura cursed about halflings being loud and obnoxious and "Why can't he be more like his brother? Curse him." She dropped her knitting, and stood up to take a look outside. 

"Yo..." Koga said. Long time no see." 

"Eh?" Kagura blinked. "What are you doing here?" She looked around. Kikyo was there too... and...Sesshomaru? 

"Didn't you invite us to a stargazing party?" Koga asked. "My Kagome brought the snacks." The last comment warranted a punch from Inuyasha. 

"Erm...Sure...Why not?" Kagura sighed. Naraku sure did weird things when he was drunk. Like invite people to parties. 

Meanwhile, Kanna, much to her relief, found that it was not the turning of the cycle as Kagura predicted. Merely a lunar eclipse. This was going to be fun! Maybe Rin would be here and they could play. Kanna laughed and ran out to meet everyone. 

Finally, Naraku came out to greet his guests. He was dressed in a VERY odd little happi coat with embroidered Shikon Jewels on it. 

Of course, Sesshomaru was oblivious to the whole 'party' thing. He came to kill Naraku. Naraku was totally oblivious to Sesshomaru's intentions. 

"You must be Jokin''', Sesshomaru's servant." Naraku said, totally serious. 

Sesshomaru gazed at him questioningly. "?" 

Naraku laughed good heartedly. "Get it? Jokin'''', Jaken? Whoo, I kill myself. I must be Jokin'''' too! Ha ha ha!" 

Sesshomaru slowly edged away, before just running away as fast as possible. 

"Naraku, I'm supposed to be the psycho witch!" Kagura complained. 

"Naraku..." commented Kanna, who was eating potato chips with Inuyasha, "...is losing it." 

"Hey!" Kikyo pouted. "I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE PSYCHO WITCH!!" She didn't want her position as creepiest character stolen by a detachment of Naraku's. 

This outburst from Kikyo resulted in a shouting match. It was Kagura's large lungs against Kagura's equally strong ones. Kanna, Inuyasha, Koga, and Shippos felt their eardrums on the brink of explosion. Kanna, because she was NOTHINGNESS. The shouts took up much of the comforting void of the room; Inuyasha, Koga, and Shippo's due to their demonic hearing powers. 

"NO!! I'M THE PSYCHO WITCH!!" Kagura screamed. 

"Oh yeah," Kikyo said, her voice full of malice. "if you think so, let's take this outside." 

"We already ARE outside. "Kagura taunted. 

They glared at each other for about a minute, waves of power rolling off them somehow, by a miracle of the fictional world of manga, flames were enveloping everything as well. 

Kanna screamed because the bright light hurt her eyes and she ran into the kitchen. 

Kikyo and Kagura paid no attention. They both ran from the front porch to Naraku's glorious courtyard. and started the battle. Kagura whipped her fan up from her kimono sleeve, and Kikyo drew bow equally as quick. Purifying arrows and blades of wind flew back and forth rapidly. 

"Hm...This is better than anything on TV back at home, even on HBO!" Koga commented. Then, his hand touched Inuyasha's. 

"You...PERVERT! And to ME! You're becoming like Jakotsu!" Koga shouted. 

"Me? YOU'RE the one holding my hand!" Inuyasha pointed out angrily. 

Koga gave Inuyasha an extra hard squeeze with his strong fist, crushing the dog-demon's finger bones. 

Inuyasha let out a yelp of pain and bit Koga. 

"Eew! Rabies!" Koga accused. 

Meanwhile, Shippo found out how Koga ended up holding Inuyasha's hand. The snack bowl with Cheez-Its in it was empty. He tried to tell them, but they had already begun an all out war, alongside Kikyo and Kagura, who were still going at it. 

The air around Naraku's domain was getting harder and harder to breathe. Kagura and Kikyo were breathing extremely hard, wheezing in fact. Kikyo was down to her last two arrows. "Shit." Kikyo thought. This is not going well. Kagura was thinking the same, even though she was the wind, there was only a limited amount of air around the palace. Summoning air from far away was hard. This battle was going to be doomed unless... 

"I need back-up!!!" Kagura and Kikyo screamed. At first, nobody did anything and sat there stunned. Who's side would they take? 

Kagura and Kikyo both decided that the bystanders weren't going to be of any use, and reached for the nearest weapon. Kikyo lunged for Inuyasha and snatched the Tetsusaiga from him. Kagura saw Kanna's mirror lying on the couch in the living room, and quick as lightning picked up the mirror. Now both girls were armed with weapons, and were as dangerous as ever. 

Kikyo (somehow) nocked Tetsusaiga, instilling the demonic blade with purity, and shot it at Kagura. 

Kagura winced. "Damn it." She couldn't avoid it. Then, by some miracle (depending on whose side you're on) Naraku's new detachment walked in front of Kagura on the way to the bathroom, and was blown up. Confetti was invented. 

Naraku was sad, but only momentarily. He had too much sakŽ to drink again, and he was loopy. He was vainly trying to sell Sango some bananas. 

"NO, I WOULD NOT LIKE ANY BANANAS!" Sango roared irritably. Naraku (being the genius that he is) was shoving bananas up his nose, in an attempt to sell his product. 

"Stop it, you idiot! Get away from me!" Sango said. A mighty slap resonated in the courtyard. Yet another brawl had started. Inuyasha and Koga were still arguing about who was the pervert, while Shippo was trying to tell them there were no Cheez-its, Kikyo and Kagura were battling with Tetsusaiga and Kanna's mirror, while Sango was wildly swinging Hiraikotsu and Naraku was rambling on about bananas and shoving them up his nose. 

In the midst of all this chaos, Miroku was meditating, and Kagome was up on the roof (once again, somehow) doing her English (yes, ENGLISH) assignment, a Beowulf diary. 

"WHAT KIND OF MORONIC IDIOT WOULD WANT TO WRITE THIS?!" she screamed. Of course, no one noticed. Kagome was beginning to get irritated. Kagura was making it drafty, can Kikyo's aim was always closer to HER than Kagura. In addition, Hakudoushi (Naraku's detachment) was still raining down on everybody as confetti. Kanna was up here WITH her, commenting on Kagome's writing style, Inuyasha and Koga were at it again, and everything smelled like bananas. 

"I DON'T WANT ANY BANANAS!" Sango's voice rang out. "Besides, that shoving bananas up your nose thing is just plain gross." 

So Naraku decided to attempt another way to sell his bananas. They were top quality, you know. He snorted the bananas out of his nose like missiles and two new bananas popped into his hands. Suddenly, he started cradling the bananas as if they were babies. "I will name them Banana 1 and Banana 2. How cute!!" Naraku exclaimed. Then, he pulled a needle. some string. and some cloth out of nowhere. He started sowing rapidly. "Oooh!!! They're done now!' Naraku squealed like a little girl. He put the tiny, white and blue striped clothes on the bananas. "Banana's in pajamas, are walking down the stairs," sang Naraku as he played with the bananas like dolls. 

Finally, everyone got tired and signed the Peace Treaty of Naraku's Castle. Shippo almost starved to death, but then it was dinnertime. While eating, they decided to get to know each other better. 

"Yo." Koga said. Somehow he ended up sitting next to Inuyasha, who was still mad at him for breaking his hand. "I'm Koga." 

"Inuyasha." 

" Kikyo. The OFFICIAL psycho witch." 

" Will everyone be quiet? I'm trying to write my Beowulf diary." 

"Sango. Kohaku is my brother. You hear that Naraku?" 

"Too late. I already sold him on Ebay. I bought some llamas though, if you want want one." 

"Shippo, the kawai'i kitsune fox!" 

"I am Kagura. I may not be the psycho witch, but I an one odd little muffin!" 

"..." Kanna said nothing, but nobody cared. 

"Miroku." 

"I'm Naraku! I graduated from Dark Minds Interior Decorating in 1502, with a Bachelor's degree in Temple Decorating...blah blah blah." 

He didn't really say "Blah blah blah", but nobody was listening to his life story, not even Banana Rum. Somehow, while Naraku was talking about his education, Inuyasha and Koga's hands found each other again. for some reason, Koga didn't notice, but Inuyasha did. Oddly, he didn't flinch or take his hand away. Koga's hand was rough and calloused, but his touch was soft. As Inuyasha studied Koga intently, he realized how handsome Koga was. Those furs that covered him were so luxurious, and besides, mini skirts were SO in! Koga felt a prickly feeling on the back of his neck. As he turned to the side, he noticed that Inuyasha was staring mesmerized by him. But it was not with the usual "I'm going to kill you" look, it was one of lust, and hope. Koga was about to pull his hand away and slap him, (then he could be just like Sango) but he stopped. Those deep, amber eyes Inuyasha had were captivating. The golden pools seemed to pull Koga in, and he didn't resist. 

"Inuyasha?" Koga whispered. 

"Yeah, Koga-kun?" Inuyasha said softly. 

"Hey Naraku?" Kagura whispered. "What's going on?" 

Naraku didn't answer. He seemed to be doing the same thing with Kikyo. Strange thing was, Kikyo was enjoying it. 

"Ah!' Kanna exclaimed. "Eh?" Kagura jumped at the sudden outburst. 

"My mirror works again! I guess i was getting bad reception in the other room. Or maybe i forgot to pay my Cleric images bill... Anyway, it works. It seems that Naraku drugged the mushrooms. 

"Ho! That explains it!" Kagura felt a little sick. She decided to go relieve herself in the outhouse. 

Meanwhile, Koga and Inuyasha decided to see how heartfelt their newfound love was by going on a walk along the beach. (How the beach got there, who knows? Probably plot reasons.) For a while, Koga and Inuyasha walked silently, hand in hand. Suddenly, Koga knelt on one knee. 

"Inuyasha, will you marry me? Let's just put out behinds in the past-I mean, our pasts behind us, and forget about everything except each other. Here, I'll say it first. I'm sorry for all the things I've ever done to hurt you." Koga said hopefully. "I'm sorry I don't have a ring." 

Inuyasha sat there, stunned for a while. Finally, he answered. "Yes, I will. And I'm sorry too. for everything." 

Inuyasha and Koga ran away, hand in hand, off to have some time to themselves. 

Sesshomaru stared blankly at the two, who were eloping. He had heard every word. Now he felt amazingly stupid. So, Inuyasha was actually a girl. Now he felt even worse about sticking his hand through his chest. How perverted! 

Anyway, yes Sesshomaru had made his triumphant return. Rin was being baby-sat at Saigoku by Jaken, so Sesshomaru decided to go to Naraku's Nite Club, for some zesty lemon fun. 

Sesshomaru arrived at Naraku's Nite Club needing a good drink. This was where the lemony zest fun came in. "Bartender!" Sesshomaru yelled. "Get me a Lemony Fun, with two shots of extra zest!" Sesshomaru was also feeling very troubled due to Inuyasha's secret. Hence the two extra shots of zest. 

Shippo, completely oblivious to everything, realized there was STILL no more Cheez-Its. So he went to go find some. Unfortunately, he was sucked in by the Cheez-It box, and was never heard from again. 

Back to Sesshomaru. After twenty-five minutes, Sesshomaru had downed five glasses of Lemony Fun. Each time he had asked for more and more zest. 

"Hey! Man! Yeah, you!" Sesshomaru slurred at the bartender. "More Lemony Fun! Make sure to put eight shots of zest!" Sesshomaru was losing it. 

"Are you sure, Lord Sesshomaru?" asked the bartender. 

"Please," said Sesshomaru, "Call me Fluffy." 

The bartender looked at him suspiciously. "Fluffy?" 

"Yeah. And get me some lemon meringue pie." 

Now everyone knows that lemon meringue pies are non-alcoholic, but for some reason, this one was. In fact, all the items at Naraku's Nite Club were thought to contain dangerous substances, even the things that were supposedly non-alcoholic. 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Kagome had finally finished her Beowulf diary. then, on a sudden whim, she decided to bake muffins. It was actually Kagura's idea. Odd little muffins! Kagome smiled at the thought and set off to find Naraku's kitchen. 

After 30 minutes of wandering and asking the water sprites that lived in the pond, Kagome found the kitchen. Immediately, she started rummaging around in the cupboards, and pantry for muffin ingredients, and tools. Strangely, Kagome couldn't find anything to flavor her muffins with. So she resorted to using some mysterious mushrooms that looked like Shippo's warning signs, with a touch of lemony zest, left over from Naraku's Nite Club. After they baked, Kagome decided to find someone to test them on- I mean, let them taste her wonderful creation. the first person she found was the very intoxicated Sesshomaru, a.k.a. Fluffy. 

"Hey! Sesshomaru! Wanna try a muffin?" 

"Who's that? I'm Fluffy." Sess- I mean Fluffy drawled. 

Without waiting for a reply, Kagome stuffed a muffin into Sesshomaru's mouth. 

By a sheer miracle of nature, it seemed to have an amazing effect on alcohol-induced minds, and Sesshomaru became the first character to be normal in this story! Note: Remember other mushrooms-induced affections, and the power of the muffin. 

Kagome was surprised at the effects of her muffins. "Hmmmm. Maybe I should try one. It did wonders for Sess- well, Fluffy. Maybe it'll help me with school." with that, Kagome popped a whole Shippos warning, lemony mushroom flavored muffin into her mouth. Kagome stood there for a very long time, Sesshomaru was LOOOOOONG gone, he was normal now. Unfortunately, since Sesshomaru had been crazy, and the muffins calmed him down, it was bad to Kagome. Since Kagome had already been calm, now Kagome was extremely stupid. Quite like a lovable Psyduck we all know. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Naraku appeared and found a dumb Kagome standing in the middle of his kitchen. He picked her up, and after an hour, had sold her to a tropical asylum on eBay. Naraku then somehow transported her there. Plot reasons people. (Naraku also has an eBay Paypal account.) 

Meanwhile, Kikyo called the Shichinitai Vineyard Wedding Co. She and the sexy Naraku, her soon-to-be husband, were going to get married there. Unfortunately, another couple had the same idea. 

" What do you mean, you don't support gay marriages??!" Koga shouted. "You better change your mind or we will wreak havoc on you!!!!" The secretary on the other side of the phone hastily agreed, though she told him that they would have to share the vineyard with another couple, Kikyo and Naraku. (dramatic music) 

"What???!!! THIS NEEDS TO BE PRIVATE!!!" Koga yelled even louder into the phone (the phone is just there) "Ya hear that?!! PRIVATE!!! Just me, my guy and the priest dude!!! That's it!!!" Koga slammed the phone down forcefully. "Koga, honey, try to keep your temper down." Inuyasha said sweetly. "I know our tempers can flare up, but did you have to take it our on the secretary?" 

Koga replied tartly, "Well, guess who we're supposed to be sharing our wedding with? Guess who??!! Well, I'll tell you! It's with Kikyo and Naraku!" 

Inuyasha's eyes started to gain an evil glint. "Oh really...." 

"Rin want to play Twister!!" Rin screamed excitedly, jumping onto Jaken's shoulders for a piggy-back ride. 

"Mph." Jaken protested into the carpet of Sesshomaru's bedroom. Lately, the Lord of Saigoku had taken an interest in the classic art of Feng Shui. 

All of the sudden, a bright light filled the room. 

"We are aliens. come to reclaim our child." the aliens said, in all cheesiness. 

"You are odd little muffins." Rin said. it paid to be raised by a demon who had a psycho witch with cool language usage. 

The aliens ignored her, and threw a red and white ball at Rin, She went into it. 

"All right! I caught..." the alien struck a victory pose and twisted his cap backwards. "Rin!" 

About that evil glint in Inuyasha's eyes... that means he's almost back to normal except he's plotting WITH Koga instead of against him, is about to be married to him, and is madly in love with him. 

Anyway, Inuyasha and Koga were unable to change the fact that they had to share the vineyard. The people in attendance for the wedding were Kanna and Kagura, Kaede, the entire wolf-demon clans of the north, south, east, and west, including the heartbroken Ayame, and Sesshomaru. As you can tell, it was strictly a family affair. 

All of the sudden, the lunar eclipse foretold a LONG, LONG time ago happened. For the briefest moments the moon was dark, Inuyasha's hair went black, and Naraku was reduced to a useless sticky puddle of demons. 

"Aw, damn." Naraku cursed. Kikyo might not sleep with him if she knew about this. 

"Not in all my centuries..." Sesshomaru breathed in astonishment. "Inuyasha! You bitch!" 

"Female...dog?" Inuyasha said, confused. 

"Why didn't you ever tell me your hair was black in real life? And you're a GIRL!! My own bro- I mean- my own sister!" Sesshomaru broke down into tears and flew away. Evidentally, he went back for some more lemony fun with zest after Kagome got dumped in a tropical asylum. 

The wedding continued on without him though, Even though it was to be a happy ceremony. Ayame cried the whole time. Loudly. Actually, she was bawling. It was not a happy time at all really. Koga and Inuyasha's ears were ringing the whole time. and they didn't even hear the priest/bishop dude ask if they would wed in holy matrimony. 

"Speak now, or forever hold your peace." the dude announced. All of the sudden, Sesshomaru appeared out of nowhere. 

Noooooo!!! My dear brother! I mean, sis- wait- broth- Noooooo!!!" Sesshomaru howled. "I can't bear it! Waah!" and with those words Sesshomaru fell onto a row of fresh grapes and started choking. Out of the blue, he clutched his heart and gasped once more. His beautiful clothes were stained with grape juice. What a way to die... 

And so the wedding continued...Kikyo was a little disappointed about the grapes, since now all there was was bananas at the fruit bar. Then, Sesshomaru went to his true form and squished all the bananas too. Kikyo was happy! 

Anyway, away from al the festivities, Kagura and Kanna were feverishly searching for a cure to the drugged mushrooms. Kanna was looking through an atlas of rare plants, but she didn't really like to look at mushrooms, so she just counted hom many times the letter 'K' appeared on the page. 

"Kanna! How do you spell mushroom?" Kagura asked. "Oh nevermind. Why the hell should I care what the fuck Naraku does? Let's go to..." Kagura looked at the atlas. "The Limpopo River." And so they went to the Limpopo River." 

To be continued in Chapter 2: Banana Smoothies! 

Author's note: Yay! The first chapter of our debut work, Inuyasha Banana Parody! Ok...this is not what we usually write, or the way we usually approach things. At all. This story was written under the influence of alcoholic candy, so blame it all on the marzipan. Yes, the marzipan...In the next chapter, we meet Mario and the Nintendo crew, some people at 7-Eleven and their Windex, evidence that Kikyo CANNOT cook, and a whole bunch of other fun stuff. Oh, yes. And fireworks. Kagome gets her hands on fireworks. Everyone hide. 


	2. Banana Smoothie

Inuyasha Banana Parody Chapter 2: Banana Smoothies

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Disclaimer: We do not own, quite obviously, Inuyasha, or we would publish this and get money for it instead of posting it for free here. We also do not own the Limpopo River, Lake Titicaca, Super Mario, the Hammer Bros., 1UP mushrooms, Huggies Pull-Ups, any of Laura Ingalls Wilder's works, any Buddhist chants, or any Dharma School Buddhist songs, Bananas in Pajamas, Shonen Sunday. VIZ, Nintendo, Pikachu, Toad, Yoshi, Princess Zelda, Princess Peach, Link, Bowser, Koopa, Parakoopa, Donkey Kong, Jigglypuff, Moblins, 7-Eleven, WinDex, Garth NIx and the theory of Astarael's voice pulling you into death, Pokemon, Stonehenge, Abhorsen, Kanto, Star Trek, MIDIs, Alice in Wonderland, Charter Magic, Pokemon the Movie 2000 and its 'legend', and of course, even though it says she did at the end, Rumiko Takahashi most definitely did NOT write this story.

* * *

A few weeks had passed. Inuyasha and Koga were happily married, or happily as they could every be. It was the night of the new moon. Inuyasha was safe being protected by Koga and all. Unfortunately for Naraku, he was lying in bed with a sleeping Kikyo. Naraku had transformed into a bubbling mass of demon parts. He had no control over it, and stayed like that all night. Kikyo rolled over onto him a few times too. 

But when he woke up in the morning, there was a wet spot where he had lain. As he threw the sheets off himself and Kikyo, his wife glanced over at his side of the bed. It was wet. 

"Naraku... did you?" Kikyo questioned 

"Um... yeah, it WAS the night of the new moon..." 

"The cycle of the moon has nothing to do with it! No matter what, you're supposed to be a responsible adult!!!! All demons have to be house trained at an early age!!" Kikyo started whacking him with the wet sheets. Whackity, whackity, whack!!! "NOW... I... HAVE... TO...TRAIN... YOU... TOO!!! What kind of father figure are you trying to be?!!" 

"Ch... children?" Naraku stuttered. 

"Yeah! How else are we going to re-establish my family line? If we don't, Kagome will never be born!!!" 

" Ya mean.. I'm related to...that...girl?" 

"Duh." Kikyo glared at Naraku. "How come you never call her your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, granddaughter?" 

"...?" Naraku suddenly wished Kagura was here instead of Kikyo. She hated him, but at least then he wouldn't have to have children. 

Meanwhile, back with Kanna and Kagura, they had been following the Limpopo River, and had somehow been transported to South American's Lake Titicaca. 

"What an interesting name..." Kanna said. "but at least it's actually something. Unlike me, nothingness. That's all. Nothing." 

"Kanna, are you listening?" Kagura scolded her older sister. "I have to get back and continue knitting! I'm making baby boots, mittens, and hats for when Naraku and Kikyo get children." 

As they looked around, they found that they were surrounded by an abundance of mushrooms. There were pink ones, blue ones, and even green ones that said "1UP". 

Then a queer midget popped out of a tube and picked a mushroom. He ate it, and suddenly became huge! Then all the orange mushroom turned into fireflowers! 

"Umm..." Kagura was speechless. 

"..." so was Kanna. Then again, she has been obsessing over her being nothingness again, so she said nothing anyway. 

They continued on, deciding that the little man who turned into a big man was none of their business. Unfortunately, the man couldn't be ignored that easily. Kanna and Kagura came across to THINGS that threw dangerous hammers everywhere. "Aaahh!!" the little man who turned into a big man screamed when he was hit by a hammer. Then he fell and was gone. 

"Grr. Those things must be dangerous." Kagura mused. "Must be some kind of turtle/metal demon. They must be disposed of. They're in our way." 

"Yes." Kanna answered quietly. 

Kanna and Kagura prepared for a battle that was to be, interesting, at the least. 

During Kanna and Kagura's interesting little quest, Inuyasha and Koga were cleaning up their little forest cottage they had bought. Aww, how sweet. 

Even though it needed a lot of work, Koga and Inuyasha didn't care. It was something they could do together. Then they would have a quaint house to come home to after their honeymoon in Bora Bora. Naraku and Kikyo had gotten a house too. But they weren't getting along very well. Naraku had created a HUGE illusion castle so that they could live wherever they wanted by simply moving the castle. 

Anyway, Kikyo was still going on about how she had to "potty-train" Naraku, and had even bought him some Huggies Pull-Ups.

* * *

"Hey Miroku! Want a lemon?" Sango asked. 

Miroku jerked. He had just been just reading various dirty, lil' fanfictions on Kagome's laptop, and thought Sango had found out. Did he detect a hint of disdain? 

"I, ah, I'm meditating!" 

"Oh." Sango seemed a little sad. "I-I have some bananas too... they're from Safeway, not Naraku." 

"Sango?" Could this be the only non-yaoi fluff in this story? "Oh wait, yes. I'm meditating! Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Amida Butsu... er... ju seige? Rai san mon... san butsu ge... um... when we see the golden sun... 

"Hey," Naraku's Banana 1 said to Banana 2. " Can monks be crazy?" 

"Dunno." answered Banana 2. "He rejected bananas. The horror!" 

"Will you two cut it out?!" Sango shouted. "I'm trying to write in a loving moment here!" 

"Oh, you're writing?!" Jakotsu wailed. "You denied me a happy a life with Inuyasha, and Sesshomaru. Now Miroku too?" 

"N-No!! I was... writing... love scenes about me and Miroku... only... wait!! That came out wrong! I... didn't write anything! Nothing at all!" Sango smiled unconvincingly. And randomly shoved things in a blender. Added ice, and gave a cup to Jakotsu and Miroku with a crazy straw and a drink umbrella. She called it her Jakotsu Banana Smoothie Surprise. 

Jakotsu gladly took Sango's creation. He was glad someone thought him important enough to have something named after him. But he was also sad, because now Inuyasha, Koga, Miroku, AND Naraku were now taken. He hoped that the Jakotsu Banana Smoothie Surprise had some alcohol in it. At least some zest. 

"Fuujin no mai!" one fwip of Kagura's fan and the hammer brothers were disposed of. "Hm... we need to renew Shonen Sunday/VIZ's peace treaty with Nintendo about the northern border." Kagura muttered. Along with the odd little plumber man, the Hammer Brothers, an electric rodent, a mushroom man, a green dinosaur, turtle things- some with wings, princesses, green clad heroes with swords, ugly turtle/dinosaur things, a large monkey with a tie, a pink floaty vacuum thing, and some pic guys with spears, there was a new "Nintendo of the Feudal Era" headquarters being put up. 

"Umm, get out of here you morons?" that even sounded lame to her. "Um... go home." 

Kanna sucked them all into her mirror. 

"Thanks Kanna-chan." 

"Yes, but the mirror is heavy now. Let's go get snacks." 

"SNACKS?" Sango, Jakotsu, Shippo, Sesshomaru (back from the dead), and Naraku (escapee from Kikyo's house-training) inquired. "We have- 

" Bananas.: 

"Smoothies." 

"Cheez-Its." 

"Lemony zest." 

"MORE bananas!" 

"Um..." Kanna backed away, they were really scaring her now. "Um..." 

Then by a miracle of nature, they all disappeared in a poof of illogicalness. 

In Bora Bora, Inuyasha and Koga were having a wonderful time. The had met some Subrosians that were inhabiting the place, and the odd creatures from ZeldaLand had graciously offered to teach Koga and Inuyasha how to dance. 

The two of them decided that would be fun and after watching a few rounds of dancing they decided to join in. Things were about to get rough... 

Back to the Limpopo River (they had managed to retrace their steps from Lake Titicaca back to their previous locale).... 

"I think I'm gonna die..." Kagura groaned. They had been walking for three days now, and still couldn't find anything useful. All of the sudden, they came across a 7-Eleven. On the window was a sign reading, "Tired of looking for something? Snacks available." 

"That looks mighty fishy..." Kagura sighed. 

The door opened, and a burly man stepped out. "If you need any more drugged mushroom cure, just ring me up! If I'm not in solitary confinement, the 'ol tropical asylum should put ya through!" 

"That IS mighty fishy." Kagura sighed again.. 

"I like fish. Especially carp." Kanna commented. 

"Okay. Let's see if they have any of what we're looking for." 

Kanna and Kagura walked along the aisles and aisles of the store, looking for a drugged mushroom cure. It was amazing how many aisles the store had. There was also stuff on small carts in the middle of some of the walkways. 

It was going to take forever to find the drugged mushroom cure. 

After hours of searching, Kanna and Kagura had looked at everything from teddy bears, to soap, to the largest bottle of sakŽ in the world. Kagura debated over whether to get it for Naraku, but Kikyo would be furious so she decided not to. 

Finally, a gift from above granted their wish. Quite literally, since it fell from the top shelf and hit Kanna on the head. She sank to the ground, mirror slipping out of her hands and shattering into a zillion pieces. Her eyed flashed blue (plot reasons) and a single, crystal tear dripped onto the package. 

"Kanna, are you alright? You're crying?" Kagura knelt near her sister. This was a big thing because Kanna was nothingness; she was denied the emotions and will to shed tears. 

Kanna hiccuped, and suddenly a vale of tears sprung from her eyes, shaking as she sobbed uncontrollably. Tears of happiness. She could feel her heart beating in her chest, not Naraku's hands. Her servitude toward him had ended. "My heart...has returned." she whispered, looking up, her eyes sparkling with new tears. 

"Heart...?" Kagura was happy too but she couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. SHE had wanted freedom, wished for it. Yet Kanna had done nothing, and it had come to her. She picked up the box that had fallen. It was a six-pack of trial-size WinDex. And hand in hand, the two sisters left. 

"Bob, cleanup in aisle 5 There's a bunch of broken glass." A 7-Eleven staffer shouted to his co-worker. 

"Yeah yeah. I'm getting to it...later." he quietly snickered. He was going to be on break in two minutes, and broken glass took longer than two minutes to clean up. Why work over time when someone else could clean it up? 

it seems that Bob got lucky that day. Instead the man who had the shift after him, Fred, had to clean up. Unfortunately for Fred, he was there all alone to clean up in Aisle 5. He was getting spooked too. There were horrible wails and moans emitting from the aisle, (it seems Kanna's mirror still had souls in it.) The man, Fred, bent over the broken glass to see if it came from one of the store's mirrors. If it had, someone had broken the "you break it, you buy it" rule. 

Fred looked into the mirror, and suddenly a white, misty, substance began to creep from his mouth. His soul. Fred's body fell over, lifeless, soulless. So, Kanna's mirror did still work. Fred's last thought was, " Wonder what Bob's going to think of this..."

* * *

"Welcome home children!" Kikyo waved to them from the kitchen. A puff of steam enveloped her as she lifted the cover of the rice-cooker. 

Kagura suppressed a shudder. That just sounded soooo wrong. "We brought some WinDex." 

"Oh? That's great! I'll add it to the rice!" Evidently, Kikyo had absolutely no idea of what WinDex was. 

Like a normal family, Naraku, Kikyo, Kagura, and Kanna were having dinner. 

"Hm... this rice seems a little... off..." Naraku commented. All of the sudden, in a flash of sparkles, Naraku became normal. Kikyo died though, because she ate WinDex. 

"Ku ku ku... Kagura, Kanna... let's go kill Inuyasha." Naraku laughed evilly. 

Kanna shook her head. "No..." 

"Kanna! I command you!" 

"No.." Kanna felt for the border between life and death, and a sorrowful, high-pitched tune echoed throughout the house. Kanna and Naraku slipped peacefully into death from the call. Now, only Kagura remained captivated by the steady pulse in her chest. 

"Kanna..." Kagura clutched her sister's lifeless body to herself and prayed for her sister's happiness in the afterlife. 

Then she went over to Naraku and wrenched his body open, internal organs, spilling onto the floor. She grabbed his heart and tore it free in her hands, blood splattering everywhere. "Feel my pain you bastard."

* * *

"Ooh! Koga dear! Our cute, little cottage is almost finished! All we have to do is clean the windows!!" Inuyasha squealed. (can you imagine him squealing?) 

" yay! Luckily, I bought a two pack of WinDex." Koga squealed equally as enthusiastic. 

Pretty soon, Koga and Inuyasha were on opposite sides of the cottage cleaning windows. According to Koga, splitting up would save time now, so they would have more time together later. 

But the two lovebirds just could not stay away from each other. The WinDex bottles were perfect for spraying each other with. 

squirt 

"Koga! That tickles!" Inuyasha said. 

squirt 

"Inuyasha! Hee hee!" 

squirt 

squirt 

squirt 

Yes. A Windex battle had started. 

Thirty minutes later, when the Windex was all gone from the bottle, and it covered Inuyasha and Koga. They were on the floor licking themselves clean. 

poof! 

"Hey! You! Dog-turd!" Koga yelled suddenly. 

Whoops. They had turned back to normal. 

"Aww. Shut up wolf boy! What are we doing all covered in Windex in the middle of the woods by ourselves?" 

A moment of silence ensued as the two recalled their previous actions. 

" I did that-" they pointed at one another. "With you?! I'M GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOU!"' 

And so they fought. And the little house in the big woods caught on fire. And the family who now inhabited the cottage fled. Laura Ingalls Wilder would need to find another little house, on the prairie this time, though. 

" You took away my virginity!" Koga snarled, lunging at Inuyasha with his teeth bared. 

"Same to you, and wait- virginity?" Inuyasha eyed Koga skeptically. "Ok, you've officially creeped me out." 

The two decided that they would run away and pretend that none of their relationship had ever happened. Ever- and if anyone brought up the topic of the two, well, they would lying in their graves before they knew what had hit them.

* * *

"We bring you sorrowful tidings. The Abhorsen's second cousin on her father's, nephew's side once removed, next door neighbors, little sister's, first grade cousin's grandfather is dead." a clean-clothed invisible man bowed low to Jaken, stand-in ruler of the western domains. 

" Uh... too bad for him? What's your point?" Jaken replied soberly. He had yet to retrieve Rin. 

" So, were is Lord Sesshomaru?" Jaken said in his annoying little voice. 

" Didn't you understand? The Abhorsen's second cousin on her father's, nephew's side once removed, next door neighbors, little sister's, first grade cousin's grandfather is DEAD. D-E-D, dead." 

A tear dropped to the ground. Jaken sighed. "How sad." After a moment of silence, Jaken said, "Oh well. He ain't gettin' any deader! C'mon boys, let's remodel!" 

The Charter sending in a cream-colored habit looked on in a daze. 

" I always thought this ol' castle was too 'Chinese'"! 

"Um..." the man said. "I couldn't call this Chinese decor. More Ainu, with a lot of Yayoi. This castle is very old- a relic of out culture!" 

" I was thinking of a more 'European' look. We could have an Irish castle theme, and our very own Stonehenge! Or better yet, snitch the real one!" Jaken laughed maniacally. 

" The Celts were the ones with the Stonhenge 'legend' I believe..." 

"Wait! But first I must get Rin so she can do most of the work! Good thing I put a locator chip on her!" Jaken said as he whipped out his GPS system. 

"Hmm. Located somewhere in a place called Kanto, around Route 2." 

Pushing another button a teleporter appeared out of nowhere. (it probably teleported)" Now THAT is class!" Jaken giggled.Then, he pushed yet another button and the Star Trek theme song started playing. It was a MIDI, though! "Beam Rin up, Scotty!" 

Pop! Rin appeared. Well, Jaken thought it was Rin, since a little, red ball with a button was there. "Now, how do you open this? Maybe this will work!" 

Wham, wham, wham! "Isn't it supposed to light up?" Wham, wham! Wham! 

"Okay, I'm getting annoyed!!" Jaken yelled hotly. "Here, you! Charter thing! Open this!" 

" Yes, Master, Jaken." and the Charter sending pressed the button. 

"Wobbuffet!" 

Jaken and the man would have been more surprised, had not another unexpected guest barged in. 

"Yo." 

"Uh... you remind me of someone... who are you?" Jaken quavered, staring up at the demon. 

Red eyes gleamed maliciously at the toady demon, as he stalked towards Jaken. 

" Rumors told that Lord Sesshomaru passed away in these lands, and so you lay in wait for me, correct? 

" Huh? You have no claim to Saigoku- I- " 

" Are you saying Inuyasha has no claim to his family's territory?" 

"N-No. But you aren't Inu-" 

The demon opened his hand, revealing the Shikon Jewel, evil, energy whirling around it. 

"Inuyasha! Die! This is my land! Sesshomaru disowned you as his brother!" 

"Hey!" Inuyasha grabbed Jaken skeptically. "Don't matter to me. You still hafta do what i say." 

"Y-Yes milord!" Jaken bowed in reverence. 

"Darn. i was so close to being Lord Jaken of the Western Lands too. Now, I must serve this ungrateful, rude, half-breed boy." Jaken said aloud. 

"Why you!" 

Ka-tonk! Jaken saw many cuckoos running around his head. 

" Fifteen second 'til the end of the world." the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland popped up in Lord Sessho- no Lord Jaken... no! Not even that? Lord... Inuyasha? Of the Western Lands. 

"14." 

"Shit. I was finally climbing to power." Youkai Inuyasha muttered. 

"13." 

" I see thirteen cuckoos around my head!!" Jaken squealed. 

"12." 

"I wonder how the world will end?" the Charter sending asked. 

"11." 

"The chosen one must come! Lest the earth shall turn to ash!" Jaken sniveled. 

"10." 

"The chosen one changed his name from Ash to Bob. It says here in the PokŽmon Times." Youkai Inuyasha pointed out. 

"9." 

"Why is everyone counting down? Is it New Years?" Kagome had escaped from her tropical asylum. 

"8." 

"I'll get the fireworks!" the sending dude volunteered. 

"7." 

" If it really is the end of the world, I really do love you Inuyasha!" the obvious person sobbed. 

""6." 

"I love you too Koga." 

" "5." 

"Okay, not so obvious person." Banana Rum sighed. 

"4." 

"Ooh! I just love New Years!" the clueless Kagome yelled. 

"3." 

"I've got the fireworks! I hope you like purple, 'cause that's the only color they have besides banana yellow, and i don't like yellow." 

"2." 

"the cuckoos around my head are dying! Maybe I'll have one for dinner!" Jaken exclaimed. 

"1." 

"What a LAME ending." Banana Rum sighed once again. 

As a giant eraser came down and engulfed the world in nothingness (even Kanna), Kagome screamed, 

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" 

As the first pages and world of this story floated down into the fireplace of someone's home, Rumiko Takahashi threw in the rest of this story too. "Somehow, I didn't think my characters were themselves today. I don't think this will be the 370th chapter for 'Inuyasha: The End of Hakudoushi."

* * *

-Fin 


End file.
